I wish my friends would take random pictures of me when we hang out because I’m an arrogant prick and I want more pictures of myself that aren’t selfies.
do i have cramps or has my appendix exploded
does my boob hurt or am i having a heart attack
am i on my period or do i have internal bleeding
these are our struggles
Thinking of dirty thoughts and getting an erection in awkward situations
The struggles of a man
thinking of my naked grandma isnt going to suck the blood back into my vagina
you need an award right now
Ugh, worst song ever.
if we’re being honest, this was the moment that Emma Stone arrived.
please excuse me while I cry
also they like send each other christmas cards every year how adorable is that
[seductively takes off glasses]
wow you’re fucking blurry
WHOEVER BUYS THIS FOR ME WINS MY ETERNAL LOVE
I OWN THIS
EVERY MORNING HE SAYS SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT HOW THE WORLD NEEDS YOU AND YOU HAVE TO GET UP
AND WHEN YOU PRESS THE BUTTON TO HUSH HIM HE SAYS “DEFTLY DONE, MADAM,” OR “IF IT’S NOT TOO FORWARD OF ME, THAT DID TICKLE, MADAM”
IT WAKES YOU UP WITH THE SOUND OF CHIRPING BIRDS BEFORE STEPHEN FRY’S VOICE
EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE ONE
THIS IS LIKE JARVIS.
A REAL JARVIS EXCEPT HE’S A CLOCK.
I adore Benedict and Martin. They’re just such lovely men and that’s really what I enjoy. I’m with such fantastic company. They say rude things - Not Benedict so much but Martin.. (giggles) well I won’t go into it but they say really rude things to me…
Una Stubbs ~ ‘Britain’s Favourite Detective’, April 2014
I hate it when netflix pauses and asks me if im still watching like yeah you actually think i got up and started doing something with my life
when you fail a test you thought you were ready for
Remember there was almost another twilight book but someone leaked it so Stephanie Meyer refused to finish and I’m 98% sure it was Robert Pattinson and god bless him
I never realized how overdramatic Zac Efron was until Tumblr.